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My pregnancy has been mostly the sunshine and rainbows kind of pregnancy. Not really any kind of sickness, basically perfect weight gain, no stretch marks so far. Great. Only typically one bathroom break in the middle of the night. Just one.
But tonight? I'm almost ready to start Googling ways to speed this thing up. Baby girl is still hanging out with her feet pointing down so maybe if I eat some curry with pineapple for dessert then have sex and go for a walk then blow up balloons when I get back, I could have the doctor cutting her out of me after my appointment tomorrow afternoon. It could happen. (Eating pineapple and blowing up balloons? Seriously?)
I ate two hot dogs about 15 minutes ago, and now when I should be feeling that full, happy feeling, my stomach is growling more than it was before the hot dogs. I just finished shoveling in a cookie for dessert and now I'm ready to get up and get myself a bowl of cereal. Just make the hunger stop already!
And usually my bathroom breaks are nothing to complain about. Well I'm pretty sure I've used the bathroom 6 times in the past hour, and I haven't even really drank anything.
My body - from my lower back to my feet - is so stiff that getting up isn't just getting up. It takes time, thought, planning. I reach around for my cane for a minute before I remember I'm not 85 years old and weighing 400lbs, I'm just pregnant. I can get up on my own.
I've sat in my chair and stared at my cup of water, just out of my reach, giving it my best Harry Potter stare but it just wont levitate and move the few inches into my hands.
My knees don't really bend anymore. Not like they're supposed to, anyway. To reach something that's somewhere near ground level, I have to bend my body in half and reach. I can bend over and put my hands on the freaking floor with this belly in my way but for some reason I can't crouch down without feeling like my knees and ankles can't possibly straighten themselves out.
And you know what I miss? Rolling over. I miss rolling over in the middle of the night without having to completely wake up, sit up and then roll over. I can try rolling, but it just seems to throw my entire body out of whack and I need to sit up to adjust anyway.
So tonight, pregnancy is not my friend.