Life has a way of changing way too quickly

I feel like I'm behind on life. 

I didn't even mention that we took a family trip on Saturday. 

That's right. Me, mother, sister, and little nephew went to visit grandfather for the day. When it comes to the family drama I've mentioned before, with my uncle using my grandfather's stroke as a way to benefit himself, it seems that may finally get taken care of. 

It's crazy how fast things can change. One day, life was normal, and 24 hours later, mother is leaving her job and moving back to live with grandfather in his own house at the end of the month. The rest of the family is doing all that they can to fix everything my uncle has done. He still doesn't know a thing. 

All in all it was a nice visit. There was a lot of serious talk the entire time, but it's always great to see Pepe. 

This week is going to be a busy one. The only free time I'll have from now until Sunday will be while I'm at work the next two nights. The rest of my time will be consumed with appointments and getting everything ready for the weekend. 

Which just happens to finally be WEDDING WEEKEND. 

Yep, my best friends are finally getting married this weekend. I feel like it's been leading up to this day forever. I've already checked the weather, but it's too soon for it to be overly accurate. Isolated showers are always better than snow though. 

My bridesmaids dress doesn't fit, and I'll be nervous about that until after they fix it, the second time - only a day before the wedding, and it does fit. 

Anytime I listen to a wedding related song, I tear up. I'm afraid I will probably be a mess at the ceremony. Normally I can control things like that, but pregnancy hormones have made me a lot worse. 

Now if I can just squeeze in everything that needs to be done before I leave for the wedding, I will be good to go. And once back home, it'll be time to get my butt in gear and start packing. I move in with boyfriend at the end of the month. 

I'm glad I enjoy being busy. 

Heartbreak Comes in Many Forms

There comes many, many times in life where you have to make tough decisions. 

Sometimes it's a decision between hurting someone you care about, and doing what's best for yourself. Sometimes it's a life decision - like deciding where to settle down, where to buy a house, which house to buy. Sometimes it's a decision where you don't know if the outcome will be worth the fight. Sometimes you don't even know if there will be any positive outcome at all, or if it will just be a long, tough, royal waste of time. 

Sometimes, it has to do with stopping evil from happening. The answer almost seems obvious - do whatever you can to try and stop it. But what if everything just points at letting go? Letting life happen, and hoping Karma will take over. 

Karma: (Hinduism and Buddhism) the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation. Basically, what goes around comes around. 

Well, I don't really believe in Karma. I believe that sure, sometimes you do wrong and life comes back to bite you in the ass. Well, sometimes you can do no wrong and life will still throw hardships at you. It's a toss up. It's life. 

I don't think Karma will come after this form of evil. The past has proven that. Sometimes I think I'd like to play the part of Karma and finally bite someone back in the ass like they deserve. 

My moral dilemma isn't as much about stopping evil, playing Karma, or getting my own revenge. It has more to do what happens if I don't. 

I'm basically left alone in this. I will likely have support when I do react, but unless I do, no one else will step up. Just the opposite, they all hide in the corner talking about Karma. 

If I do nothing, I will lose, but I am not at all bothered by what I will lose. The money involved has no real meaning to me. The objects - those are sentimental, but I could live without them if needed. It's the person involved in this situation. It's this person who has no idea what could happen, but would be powerless to stop it if they did. 

It's a person who was content in his life until a medical condition ripped him from everything he knew and loved. This person who seems so carefree about his new life - always laughing despite his condition, and all his new life arrangements. 

You don't have to spend a lot of time with him to know the one thing he still truly wants in his life. You can see it when he tries to talk about it. You can see it when he walks through the door, when he looks through his own dresser drawers, when he fiddles with the heat, when he checks the basement for any spring leaks. That is where he wants to be, where he belongs. His home. 

Where he once lived with his wife. Where he raised his four children. Where he watched his grandchildren grow up. 

He hopes for only a few things in his life - one is to be able to speak again, and the other to move back home. He will never be able to do the second, without mastering the first.  

It is very likely that he will never be able to do either of those things.

It is very sad when a man can use his own father's disability to slowly sell things - his car, his tractor, land he owned, and someday his former home and all his possessions - and put it towards his own benefit. 

But if it's up to me to make sure that his home is still there for him as long as he's alive - to visit, to give him hope, to give him a goal in life - I feel I need to do all I can do to make that happen. 

After all he's done for me since the day I was born, I feel I owe it to him to help him keep that one bit of happiness for as long as he's still with us.

Until he's taken from us to be in the one place he will be the happiest - back with his wife. 

[ via weheartit ]

Yes, heartbreak comes in many forms. Whether it be when it hurts you directly, or when it comes from the pain of a loved one. Either way hurts just as much. 

This is What I've Learned

I think something needs to be said. I don't mention ever enough how much I adore you guys. The ones that read day after day. The ones who will reply to a comment I left on their blog, asking me about something in my life. The new readers, the old readers. The lurkers that don't comment? I love you all. I just thought that needed to be said. While I'm on that topic.. if you're a new reader and I've never been to your blog before, I meant to. So give me your link so I can do that. 

On an opposite note, there has been some stress, worry, and family drama going on lately. What I've learned? 

Some people never change. Sneaky people will be sneaky. If you have a strange feeling about someone's intentions, chances are you're right to feel that way. Let things happen that you can't control. Get angry, but get over it. If you have to, fight for what you want. 

Student loan people? They don't care if you filled out their form a couple of days after your closest relative had a stroke. They also don't care that your mailing address is no longer valid, because it belonged to the person who had the stoke, and they have new living arrangements. They only care about their money. Is it nothing for them to wait 5 days after getting their mail returned to sender before they let you know. They don't care that the application would expire two days after they called. Their sole purpose in life is to stress me the ^&*@ out. 

Money isn't everything, but it sure seems like it when you don't have any. Money can't buy happiness? Maybe not, but it can buy food. And I'm pretty darn unhappy without food. I'm sure it would also create happiness in my cell phone and cable provider, as they would finally get what they're owed. 

I live in a province where working in winter can be difficult. When Christmas is over? Work places are left with more employees than available hours. Or at least that's the case with both of my jobs. I'm available to work, they just don't really need me. 

Another thing? I've learned to watch what you do with money when you have it. The only person who worries about me - is me. When I feel like I'm drowning in debt, no one feels that panic but me. 

I've learned that it's really hard to do something special for someone, when they don't do the same for you. Broken hearts can come in the form of broken promises. The more promises you make and break, the more it hurts. Hurting people kills me inside, but sometimes you need to know how it feels. Little things mean a lot and can go a long way. So can disappointment. 

Forgive and forget. It will never be that simple. 

I've learned that it's easier to be happy, when you let yourself be unhappy for awhile. Happy can sneak up on you when you had no idea it was coming. Enjoy it. You never know what can happen tomorrow.