Monday, April 11, 2011

Heartbreak Comes in Many Forms

There comes many, many times in life where you have to make tough decisions. 

Sometimes it's a decision between hurting someone you care about, and doing what's best for yourself. Sometimes it's a life decision - like deciding where to settle down, where to buy a house, which house to buy. Sometimes it's a decision where you don't know if the outcome will be worth the fight. Sometimes you don't even know if there will be any positive outcome at all, or if it will just be a long, tough, royal waste of time. 

Sometimes, it has to do with stopping evil from happening. The answer almost seems obvious - do whatever you can to try and stop it. But what if everything just points at letting go? Letting life happen, and hoping Karma will take over. 

Karma: (Hinduism and Buddhism) the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation. Basically, what goes around comes around. 

Well, I don't really believe in Karma. I believe that sure, sometimes you do wrong and life comes back to bite you in the ass. Well, sometimes you can do no wrong and life will still throw hardships at you. It's a toss up. It's life. 

I don't think Karma will come after this form of evil. The past has proven that. Sometimes I think I'd like to play the part of Karma and finally bite someone back in the ass like they deserve. 

My moral dilemma isn't as much about stopping evil, playing Karma, or getting my own revenge. It has more to do what happens if I don't. 

I'm basically left alone in this. I will likely have support when I do react, but unless I do, no one else will step up. Just the opposite, they all hide in the corner talking about Karma. 

If I do nothing, I will lose, but I am not at all bothered by what I will lose. The money involved has no real meaning to me. The objects - those are sentimental, but I could live without them if needed. It's the person involved in this situation. It's this person who has no idea what could happen, but would be powerless to stop it if they did. 

It's a person who was content in his life until a medical condition ripped him from everything he knew and loved. This person who seems so carefree about his new life - always laughing despite his condition, and all his new life arrangements. 

You don't have to spend a lot of time with him to know the one thing he still truly wants in his life. You can see it when he tries to talk about it. You can see it when he walks through the door, when he looks through his own dresser drawers, when he fiddles with the heat, when he checks the basement for any spring leaks. That is where he wants to be, where he belongs. His home. 

Where he once lived with his wife. Where he raised his four children. Where he watched his grandchildren grow up. 

He hopes for only a few things in his life - one is to be able to speak again, and the other to move back home. He will never be able to do the second, without mastering the first.  

It is very likely that he will never be able to do either of those things.

It is very sad when a man can use his own father's disability to slowly sell things - his car, his tractor, land he owned, and someday his former home and all his possessions - and put it towards his own benefit. 

But if it's up to me to make sure that his home is still there for him as long as he's alive - to visit, to give him hope, to give him a goal in life - I feel I need to do all I can do to make that happen. 

After all he's done for me since the day I was born, I feel I owe it to him to help him keep that one bit of happiness for as long as he's still with us.

Until he's taken from us to be in the one place he will be the happiest - back with his wife. 

[ via weheartit ]

Yes, heartbreak comes in many forms. Whether it be when it hurts you directly, or when it comes from the pain of a loved one. Either way hurts just as much. 


MBC Scrapbooking said...

Oh wow...what a great post, but very sad. The last picture is very sweet.

magnolia said...

it's always sad, but almost never surprising, when adults act like children. and it's almost always at the worst possible time, too...

Noelle said...

Oh Venassa...

I'm guessing there is so much more to this post that you're not writing, and I'm also guessing it's tearing up up inside.

Hang in there girlie...your grandpa is soooo lucky he has you in his life!

I hope that when you take the stand something positive comes of it.

Baby Sister said...

Awww, this made my heart hurt for you. I hope that whatever you do to help your grandfather will pay off in the end. *hugs*



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