It has recently hit me that I am growing up. I'm not 20 anymore, I'm 23. I have friends that are getting married. Friends that talk about having babies. I have a younger sister who already has a child. Those are pretty big life milestones.
I'm not married, nor am I anywhere near being ready to get married. I have no children, and I also don't see me wanting any in the near future. I hate the phrase 'biological clock'.
I do, at some point, want those things in life, but I am sure they are not for me right now.
Time scares me.
I haven't done any research on this at all, but I've heard that after that age of 27 (ish) it gets a tiny bit harder for women to get pregnant. Through a tiny bit of research, I learned that 7% of females are infertile by age 30. 11% by age 35. So maybe it doesn't sound like there has to be a big rush.
Someone said something the other day that stuck with me. One of my co-workers was talking about her children and grandchildren. She had her children young. Her reason? She didn't want to be really old when she started getting grandchildren.
If I have children, say in 5 years, I will be 28. Let's say my child starts reproducing when they are 20. That makes me almost 50 by the time I first start having grandchildren.
Now, I know I'm over analyzing, and I promise you I'm not as worried about this as the post may make it seem. These are just a couple of thoughts I've had.
Neither of these factors will rush me into marriage or children until I feel I am completely ready for it.
Does anyone else take these factors into consideration when they start having a family? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
In the meantime, family and friends please continue to have babies that I can love from afar.
12 comments:
I think my biological clock is broken or just non-existent. While getting married was important, it cemented my relationship with my husband, I have no interest at all in having children. I don't want them at all. I have nothing against children, but they're not for me. I lack the patience, maternal instinct and desire required. Only problem is, most people don't believe me when I tell them this. Ooo, I should write a blog post on this, lol.
The fact that I'm turning 26 this year makes me think about it a little bit. But I know when the time is right I'll get married and start having kids. I still feel like I'm 20 or something, so it hasn't really hit me yet. Then again, my sister (Noelle) is 35 and just got pregnant. My other sister is 32/33 and has 4 kids and hasn't had any problems getting pregnant. So I try not to worry about it. Just put my faith and trust in God.
I had my first baby at 20, while it was not planned, I am actually quite happy about it, because doing the math, when I'm 40, my oldest will be 20, and while I hope he waits to have children- I know that I'll have a greater opportunity to see my grandbabies grow up and have babies of thier own. My husbands father is 55, maybe 56 and my oldest is 3. He can't really play with them now, so in 10 years when thier much older, he difinetely won't be able to play with them. I agree with you though, the best thing to do is wait until your ready!
On a funny note, we have 3 children right now, and plan to have 3 more in 5-8 years from now. Putting us closer to 50 when our youngest would turn 20.
I understand where you're coming from, I see it too. I had "the clock" but it stopped ticking after getting married too young.
I think that the better relationships/marriages happen in your later 20s. When you're tired of the BS and you just want to be happy, and you find the one who does make you happy. If kids are meant to be, they'll come when you're happy.
By the time my mom was 34 she had 7 kids. I was still single at 34. I said once to my dad, 'You won't be getting a large posterity from me' and he said, 'it's the quality, not quantity that counts.'
Chances of infertility are higher when you get older, but chances of having multiples are also higher.
And I'm 35 and obviously didn't have too hard of a time. :)
You are young and have so much life still to live! Focus on that, and when you're ready for more: for marriage and maybe kids...you will know.
I like that you want friends and family to start having babies because you are such a great auntie! I want to start a family very soon, after the wedding after we build our house and I can't wait much longer than that
oh, and believe me, as you round the corner to 30, it gets no better. thus says the 29-year-old divorcee. my grandmother actually said to me over christmas, "you should really try to have a baby before you're 30."
i thought, "wow, that's insensitive, given that i just got divorced and my boyfriend would sooner die than reproduce." what i said was, "i'm going to be 30 in 6 1/2 months - that's impossible."
sigh.
You have plenty of time! Don't let a desire for children rush you into a relationship(not that I think you are doing this, but I know women who have done this)
Many women who are college educated put off having children and marrying to get their career started first.
Or some, like me, didn't have a choice. I did not marry until I was 33, and due to illness I did not have a child until I was 36. Due to my diseases I am not going to have another child, but I definitely would have.
You've got plenty of time. Get out and date and get your heart broken and get some stories and then look for Mr. Right.
I got pregnant on the first try too.
My friend had both children after age 40, one by IVF, one she just got lucky.
Your clock hasn't even started ticking. Try not to worry about it.
Don't let wanting a child or the bio clock ticking rush you into a relationship. Being married is great, but it is also hard.
My doctor had told me 27 and older was when it got harder to get preggers, however you see women in their 40's now expecting.
Um yeah. I totally know what you mean.
I'm 29 and will be 30 shortly after getting married. My man will be 28. He's not in such a rush, but the men never are.
I want at least 3 kids - so we'll have to get started SOON! but he doesn't want to start a family so soon. We'll see what happens...
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