Girl minus relationship

I've been single for three full days now. Since I'm not completely honest on here all the time, this isn't really known, but I wanted it to happen. I thought I did.

Things weren't right, I wasn't happy and there were a lot of little reasons why I was convinced it wasn't working. I just didn't see myself with him forever, and I didn't want to be in a relationship that I knew had to end at some point. I am curious about what else is out there, and that is the worst part.

When you lay it all out, I had a great relationship. We had our little fights, we had our big fights, but we were finally at the point where we just had arguments, not really fights. He was the first person I'd think of to talk to whenever anything happened. He would do any little thing just to make me smile. When I'd fall asleep on the couch, or just be really tired, he would carry me to bed. I know those are just little things, but they are some of many. He really is a great guy. 

I broke his heart, yet I may have took it harder. I've cried a lot. We've talked and cried a lot together. The strange thing is, we are getting along really well. We still live together because it's wasn't realistic for one of us to find our own place, while we still have to pay for this place. Either of us could've stayed with friends or family, but even that would be inconvenient. We're sleeping in separate rooms, but we still hang out, we still talk. The only thing that's changed is the physical part. It's weird going to bed without a goodnight kiss, sleeping alone, not kissing goodbye. I miss it. 

I'm just so confused. I don't know if these feelings of regret are normal, and I just need time to get over it. Or if I'm really this upset and hurt because it's not really what I want. 

I don't know if I want to be with him or not. I was so sure that we had to break up, but I had no idea how much it would hurt me not to be with him. How much I would cry and think about him. I don't know if this is a sign that I'm not doing the right thing, or that I'm just having a hard time letting go of my relationship.

We decided that it would be best to take some time apart, so that we both really feel broken up, and have time to think. So I can figure out what I really want. I'm going to stay with my Mom for a little while. She doesn't know it yet. 

We also decided that even if tomorrow I decided I wanted to get back together, we would take at least a month apart. No more messing around. I'm not getting back together with him to risk feeling the same way, and going through it all again. 

I hate me for being one of those people who seems to only want what she can't have. I want to be single when we're together, and I want him whenever we break up. 

It's still hard. But what a strange break-up. At least I know whatever happens we can be good friends. If we're still getting along through all this, I think we can make it through anything. 

I just wish I knew what I wanted. Only time will tell, I guess.

"If I'm making the right choice then why can I feel my heart breaking?"