Thursday, August 12, 2010

Relationships: Package Deal

The lovely Eye Girl wrote this post back in June and I made note of it because it stuck with me. The whole 'Package Deal' thing.

You know what I'm talking about: when Jane and Joe start dating, soon it becomes more 'Jane and Joe' than just Jane. They come together, they are the package deal. I don't feel that couples should always come as a deal. I believe that friendships should be able to go on without someone's partner becoming your adpoted best friend, although I know from experience that it is amazing when that happens.

I have had some issues with this whole subject though. One was with my own relationship, and a couple with friends and their significant others. Here is one situation:

We were young when my best friend got together with her current fiance. Nights out and sleepovers, and hanging out watching tv soon turned into being ditched, her stopping by with him, and her only hanging out when he wasn't around. I didn't hate him, but resentment was definitely there.

The relationship was new, so looking back I don't hold it against her. I'd like to say that I would've done the same in her situation, but when the time came I didn't. Knowing what I know now, she should've made more of an effort towards 'friend time', instead of constantly making her friends feel as if we were never her first choice to hang out with, we were only the backup plan. Maybe now we would be closer.

Through all this, they are still together, they are still perfect for each other, and I cannot wait to go to their wedding. I still love them both.
In the end, I truly believe that this was all meant to happen the way it did. And I'm not usually one to think that way.
I have another friendship, where I can honestly admit that I am not exactly in love with the significant other. I wish this wasn't the case. I accept that they are together. I have no problem spending time with them every now and then. I will make that effort for the friendship, but I love those times when we can be together as friends, without the other half. 

With my own relationship, I found it hard to fit him into my own package deal. I tried way too hard to avoid what my friend did years ago. In the process I put an unnecessary strain on my relationship.

If only there was a step-by-step manual to meshing friendships and relationships. Something ilke:

Step 1: Have a casual run-in where you introduce your new partner to your friends.
Step 2: Have a group night where everyone is involved.
Step 3: Have a friends-only night.

And so on. Just so we don't mess things up like what happens so often. I feel if I could combine a bit of my situation with a bit of my friend's situation, we could have a good system.

I feel that just like you need time alone with a significant other, you need some time alone with a friend to keep a friendship strong. If you don't find a good enough mix of friend time and relationship time, close  friendships can start to fade a bit. And in the same way, if you can't find a way to include your partner with your friends every now and then, it can add stress to your relationship.

What are your thoughts? Have you had issues with this at all? Tell me some of your tips for dealing with these kinds of situations.


Melly said...

I agree that you need one-on-one time with your significant other and one-on-one time with your friends. Whatever you like for group activities is good too. Real friends will tolerate a boyfriend of yours for a bit occasionally even if they don't care for them. But always being Venassa + BF could get annoying I think? I just think it's good to have the bonding time with just you and your friend.

a. said...

I think that relationships are best to introduce the other to a friend group and then spend pleanty of time one on one with friends then another occasion with the bf and friend(s) and so one because the always friend plus bf can be too much at the beginning but then it can end up, after time being a lot of bf and friend time and like everyone is friends but its so important not to neglect friendships and to make only friend time.
Plus hell, a girls night only is always awesome!

Plaid Guru said...

agreed! i know i was a big ditcher when i had a bf. and still if i had the chance to meet up with the guy i love now, even if it would mean ditching my friends i would really really want to see him still!!! its horrible but...uncontrollable. :( haha maybe its best that im single..



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