The truth

Here I am alone.

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder. I use the term 'weirder' to avoid cursing.

But what the hell.

I really fucked a lot of shit up.

End cursing.

But yeah, I messed up a lot of stuff.

What needed to happen, happened, but that doesn't mean I felt happy about it. Maybe relieved, briefly, But mostly I just started to feel restless. I moped around a bit. I couldn't get myself to do stuff that needed to be done around the apartment. I just didn't want to do anything.

I finally gave in to someone who had been showing interest in me. I knew it was a bad idea. I wasn't ready, and neither was the person I would hurt the most, but it got my mind off how I'd been feeling. And that was all I wanted was to stop feeling.

He never pressured me into anything, and nothing really happened. It just helped me get my mind off how my life seemed to be going downhill. It was new and exciting. It was easy. Whatever it was, I removed any way for me to get in contact with him. He doesn't know this. He still has my number to do what he wants with it.

But I've officially moved him into douchebag category. I only have room for one douchebag in my life, and since the King of the Douchebaggery Society has re-entered my life (in a good way!) I don't have the space for a second douche. Sorry.

All joking aside, more big changes are happening. By the time this posts I will probably be living alone. And I will be sad. There's just so many memories here for it to be easy to be here alone. But I will be okay :)

But there's something else. I did something stupid. At the time, I even knew I would regret it. It felt so nice at the time. Like the consequences wouldn't be that bad. Boy, was I wrong. It brought on some uncomfortable situations. It brought on some pain. I should've expected it, but I was being stupid. Next time I should say no... to direct sunlight without sunblock.

I'm talking about my sunburn, what did you think I was talking about? Two days later it still really hurts!

Just taking it one day at a time. 

And in this case, congrats to my friend M. on getting engaged last night!

And I feel great about scoring two tickets to the Regis and Kelly show being filmed here tomorrow morning, and gave them away to make two people very happy. It feels nice. They will appreciate it more than I would.